Monthly Archives: November 2010

one simple dish later…

 

One simple butter chicken later...

AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When people (and by *people* I mean ME) say they don’t have time to cook, generally I find they are scoffed, ridiculed or judged.  I am constantly being told of the importance of home-cooked meals both from an economical & healthful standpoint. I get it – I get it!!  And I do it – but neither of those is the primary reason why: Mainly it’s because I love my gang and like hanging out with them, especially at supper. It is loud, messy (surprised?), funny and usually ends with one of the dogs managing to knock something off the table for their own hungry purposes (um, accidentally on purpose springs to mind) We run around to sports, do homework, run errands but it’s the sit down meals that really make it ROCK!

And when I say I don’t always have time to cook, what I meant was I don’t always have time to cleanup afterwords. This, by the way, was ONE FLIPPIN dish: a simple Butter Chicken with rice. That’s it. But everytime I cook, this is what happens. I could be making a peanut butter sandwich (and if you read my previous post, you’ll know I tend to make um, just a few of these) and my kitchen would pretty much look exactly the same. Why can’t they make cookbooks that explain how to do the cleaning too. The only thing that makes it worthwhile is that as soon as dishes from table (yes, the boys do this) they scramble off to hang with their dad in the basement and I can blast the music and clean. And I am sorry to have to do this, but I could not not insert it – BUT – If Music Be The Food Of Love Then Play On

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Filed under Un-burnt Food

So a satirist, a philosopher and an author walk into a bathroom…

So  a satirist, a philosopher and an author walk into a bathroom…

Please tell me I was not the only one slightly envious of that women in Paris trapped in her washroom  for 20 days? Seriously,  she’s fine. She spent her days showering & brushing her teeth. She also managed to *shed* a few pounds – how cool is that?

“The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue” Dorothy Parker

Dorothy Parker


But it wasn’t just the weight loss or the white teeth that appealed to me…she literally lived in a  A room of her own.

Virginia Woolf

And she did it all, in Paris no less – without having to cook one single meal!

I love my family, this goes without saying. I have  truly adored being at home with them as a SAHM for the past several years. But lately, I find myself exhausted by their combined insatiable appetites. Especially since – like their inability to agree on a meal – my 3 men cannot seem to synchronize  the timing of these meals either. This has always been just manageable. But throw into the mix my older sons insistence on pasta for every pre-hockey game & my recent shift to eat dishes that don’t add to my ass, and you can see the problem right? On an average day I could be making & serving the following:

Breakfast: cereal,fruit,toast & peanut butter, toast without peanut butter, oatmeal with fruit

Lunch: grilled cheese, chicken noodle soup, fruit, veggies with humus, veggies without humus, pasta with sauce

Snack #1 Leftover pasta, smoothies with banana, smoothies without banana

Dinner: Roasted chicken, pasta, chicken ceasar salad, peanut butter sandwich, sliced fruit

Dinner #2: Pasta, crudite, peanut butter with banana, leftover chicken, leftover salad, leftover fruit

Snack: popcorn, apples, smoothies, peanut butter, pasta

Now before you get all judgy and start telling me sternly gently suggesting that I serve 3 meals, all uniform and that’s it, kitchen is closed – don’t bother. My guys have no problem serving themselves. That is not the problem – they are simply both going through weird growth spurts that require them both to eat every 2 hours, never the same food twice (unless it is pasta or peanut butter), and never at the same time as their brother. They are sweet , grateful, appreciative and not fussy. They are simply hungry & growing.  I suspect my acceptance of their wonky eating habits becomes less than generous as my hunger pangs for pasta & chocolate grow.

And starting tomorrow, I will be returning to work.  Apparently, “we can evade reality, but we cannot evade the consequences of evading reality” (Ayn Rand)

Ayn Rand

And apparently, moving into a bigger house, renovating it and feeding it require two solid incomes in this house. So rather than meal-planning, cleaning and preparing for my new “adventure” I have been playing the trapped in a bathroom alone game, “If you could have dinner of your choice with 3 people of your choice of food, what would it be?

Answer: pasta, obviously. With loads of buttered bread, wine fried calamari & tiramisu for dessert.  Hell, I’d even give up the tiramisu just to make room for these 3 ladies at the same table!!

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Filed under Heavy Weight Wednesdays, Monday's Misssion, Scaling Back

wonky people are ubiquitous and drive me bonkers

wonky people are ubiquitous and drive me bonkers.

WTF???

OK. The truth is, I have no idea if this is even true (or um, like grammatically correct) but if it was – it probably would drive me bonkers.

But I just wanted – no, needed – an excuse to use up 3 of my favorite words (wonky, bonkers, ubiquitous) in one sentence. See, I am having food as comfort kinda day and was searching for fun distractions from eating. I have a history of distracting myself from chips by eating pizza. Or distracting myself from chocolate by eating candy. Apparently, this is not ideal.

(Oh sidebar:  I used to be all about the quotation marks but now I just thrive on italics. Another useful distraction.)

So, basically I have temporarily given up all things associated with munching: reading, tv, bathing (yep, this is done. A good friend once told me her son’s favorite bathtime activity was to make a bowl of buttery-goodness popcorn and put it into a big ‘ol flat bottomed bowl so it floats and enjoy it in the bath.  I dare you not to try this!), movies, phone calls – anything where my hands are left unattended basically.  As previously mentioned, I have read a few books on diet & nutrition, I just find their hellful helpful suggestions about as useful as a useful as a fish on a bicycle

useful fish on a bicycle

useful fish on a bicycle

I could Get a hobby, Join a club, do yoga, collect stamps or dance. Yep, I can dance??

Screw it – here is my list of pathetic (yet effective) distractions.

Feel free (I am begging you actually) to add your ideas:

online shopping at anthropologie for things I cannot afford

Or maybe I'll just eat the baguette...

searching for split ends

hanky panky

create iTunes playlist for our holiday party (where 100 people bring mounds & mounds of delicious food)

watch Liz Lemon mash-ups (except for all the food references  – so like, almost all of them)

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Filed under Heavy Weight Wednesdays, Saucy

what I did not eat today

As a reminder, there are 7 tonnes of great resources for people out there looking to lose weight/ get healthy. I should know – see the picture in the header (look up) ALL those books are mine. And the reason you can’t see ALL of them is simply because I do not have a wide-angle lens (um, canon sponsorship…??). Also, this does not include  the magazine, cookbooks and newspaper clippings I have pathetically (yet optimistically)  been collecting since 1998.  These are great resources: informative, supportive and encouraging. But at the end of the day, for me at least, it is more about what I don’t do, what I don’t eat that will measure my success.  Recognizing that this will not be the best approach for everybody, I suggest simply ignoring most of what I  say and just admire the pretty pictures.

So this is what I did not eat today (um, and for the record, it is only noon). Oh, and can you guess which province I live in??

elastic waistband pasta bolognese

When I eat pasta, I do not stop. and when I do I want to lick the dish clean and place my head in it and take a nap. That’s truly how much I enjoy pasta. Clearly, this is a problem that can only be solved with total abstinence.

Food I most wish had never been discovered

I am convinced the only reason people tend to add grapes or other fruit to the typical cheese platter is to make the damage seem, well, less damaging. There is no way around it. I grew up in a family where we did not have platters – ever. School lunches consisted of a slice of bologna wedged between two pieces of white bread and an apple – sitting on top. My mom raised 3 kids on her own while working full-time. there were no cleaners, nannies, caterers. And there were no stylishly placed cheese plates either. If you were hungry, you went to the fridge and helped yourself. The closest I ever got to a platter was ripping off a wedge of orange cheese and a few unbroken Ritz crackers. But you know what – I did not have a weight problem then, so maybe there are some unexplored benefits to raising kids in a singleparent household…

alternative to KFC double down?

Ok hear me out on this one and why I present the almandine pastry as the dessert alternative to the recently banned KFC double down The double down is described as:

bacon and cheese sandwiched between two pieces of boneless fried chicken

The amandine Gooey sweet almond paste sandwiched between Flakey buttery pastry, then topped with powdered sugar and slivered almonds.

See what I mean??

In any case, it is only noon and this is what I have not eaten today. Eventually I will start boring you with my smug self-righteous healthy meal posts (oh brother), but not today.   So tell me, what aren’t you eating today?

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Filed under Heavy Weight Wednesdays, Un-burnt Food

Laundry Day

First, since you are most likely wondering – I have not lost ANY weight since I began this journey – yesterday.  I know this because every time I am able to forget about eating for a few minutes or my tummy starts to rumble, I dash upstairs into the bathroom to weigh myself (completely aware that the very act of *racing*  may even be contributing to shedding big pounds). But alas, nothing yet. Feeling discouraged – as well as looking for a way to occupy my salty crunchy chip deprived fingers of action, I decided to implement a reward system.

Ever since an old friend told me about her parenting tricks of sticking toddler tylenol into her children’s sippy cups during trips to the mall and outright bribery for good behaviour when company came over, I have been attracted to the benefits of rewards (For the record, this was not the parenting philosophy I chose to adopt for my own kids.  I simply beat them for bad behaviour. Way more efficient). I am goal-oriented and am motivated by progress. But mainly I just like getting stuff. So today’s challenge was to work out. Tough, I have both boys home and oodles of laundry.

oodles of somebody else's laundry

Solution: Race up the stairs and back down again, frantically carrying piles of clean on way up, disgusting & dirty on the way dow. This took 45 minutes I kid you not. Without the frequent twitter breaks, at least 7. I am spent. If I had enough energy I would go weigh in but I am avoiding the third floor until bedtime now.

And now the fun begins: Reward time: I haven’t settled on a system yet. A treat for every 5 pounds?  I like electronics, especially the ones with cute little non-edible apples on them. I also like shoes, purses, belts. Basically I do not discriminate on cow parts, I like ’em all (yes, I do realize that is part of the problem). But I also like things that hang on walls. Lately, I have discovered so many new (to me) artists whose work I greatly admire.

cassia beck photography

Lori Richards

Normally, I do try to live by example. I would never suggest this approach to my kids. But my kids aren’t sluggish unhealthy sad sacks of sludge and fat like me. Thankfully.  I think being mildly frightened of me at times keeps them out of the house a fair bit, running away from their big mean mommy. Better than drugging them, I say!  What tricks do you use??

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Filed under Heavy Weight Wednesdays, Scaling Back, Uncategorized

half-assed chic

I knew this day was coming. It was afterall, my stupid idea in the first place. And I could have easily  skipped it, nobody would be the wiser. But the things is, I stocked up for it. Big time.  Not sure what I mean by that? Well, then you’re probably not carrying around an extra toddlers worth of fat the way I am. What I mean is that 3 weeks ago I decided that since it appears I cannot peel an onion or scratch my nose without tweeting about it, I would start a blog, to highlight my weight loss efforts. And ever since I have been treating each meal as if this is the last one before the Big Diet. Burgers, chips, frenchtoast dripping with bacon(!!), chocolate….I won’t go on…but I could….

Here’s the thing: I am not a blogger. I probably will not entertain or inform. I am not a weightloss expert either. My approach has always been start off fast & furious and then crash at mid-point. So realistically, I cannot even guarantee I will keep either this blog or my efforts for very long.  But something just feels different. It may be my now too tight Gap curvy bootcut jeans waistband digging into my stomach, but it may also be that recently I have decided that there doen’t have to be just one way to do this. I am so used to grabbing hold of an opinion or belief and not letting go. I will read and probe and investigate as much as possible. Get overwhelmed -gawd, who wouldn’t – and out of desperation, announce, loudly, what is black and what is white.  But take a look at my header (the picture above). Apparently, there are more than 456, 987, 346 ways to lose weight. And, apparently I suck at all of them.

I have a huge list of reasons why I got fat:

1. A for- real thyroid condition (not just a tubbie claiming one)

2. The medication to treat thyroid problem. Oh and for fun, I also take a betablocker for a heart thingy condition. Combined these drugs have managed to add to my ass AND shed my lovely locks, all in one fell swoop.

3. BonsBons & Starch I like nothing more than to have a great big fatty meal to look forward to. and a bag of BBQ chips to wash it down with.  Enough said, I eat waaay too much and waaay too poorly.And for fun, these cravings  only strike after 9pm. Way better late at night too. Lovely.

Now I  have to find a few ways to get un-fat. Luckily, I thrive on public humiliation & shame.  Not that I don’t want your support – I just suspect it will be your taunting and gloating that fires me up!

One last thought: Compare the photos. Really – do I even have to explain how this happened

sad, lame lemon water

sad, lame lemon water

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Filed under Heavy Weight Wednesdays, Saucy, Scaling Back, Un-burnt Food