So a satirist, a philosopher and an author walk into a bathroom…

So  a satirist, a philosopher and an author walk into a bathroom…

Please tell me I was not the only one slightly envious of that women in Paris trapped in her washroom  for 20 days? Seriously,  she’s fine. She spent her days showering & brushing her teeth. She also managed to *shed* a few pounds – how cool is that?

“The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue” Dorothy Parker

Dorothy Parker


But it wasn’t just the weight loss or the white teeth that appealed to me…she literally lived in a  A room of her own.

Virginia Woolf

And she did it all, in Paris no less – without having to cook one single meal!

I love my family, this goes without saying. I have  truly adored being at home with them as a SAHM for the past several years. But lately, I find myself exhausted by their combined insatiable appetites. Especially since – like their inability to agree on a meal – my 3 men cannot seem to synchronize  the timing of these meals either. This has always been just manageable. But throw into the mix my older sons insistence on pasta for every pre-hockey game & my recent shift to eat dishes that don’t add to my ass, and you can see the problem right? On an average day I could be making & serving the following:

Breakfast: cereal,fruit,toast & peanut butter, toast without peanut butter, oatmeal with fruit

Lunch: grilled cheese, chicken noodle soup, fruit, veggies with humus, veggies without humus, pasta with sauce

Snack #1 Leftover pasta, smoothies with banana, smoothies without banana

Dinner: Roasted chicken, pasta, chicken ceasar salad, peanut butter sandwich, sliced fruit

Dinner #2: Pasta, crudite, peanut butter with banana, leftover chicken, leftover salad, leftover fruit

Snack: popcorn, apples, smoothies, peanut butter, pasta

Now before you get all judgy and start telling me sternly gently suggesting that I serve 3 meals, all uniform and that’s it, kitchen is closed – don’t bother. My guys have no problem serving themselves. That is not the problem – they are simply both going through weird growth spurts that require them both to eat every 2 hours, never the same food twice (unless it is pasta or peanut butter), and never at the same time as their brother. They are sweet , grateful, appreciative and not fussy. They are simply hungry & growing.  I suspect my acceptance of their wonky eating habits becomes less than generous as my hunger pangs for pasta & chocolate grow.

And starting tomorrow, I will be returning to work.  Apparently, “we can evade reality, but we cannot evade the consequences of evading reality” (Ayn Rand)

Ayn Rand

And apparently, moving into a bigger house, renovating it and feeding it require two solid incomes in this house. So rather than meal-planning, cleaning and preparing for my new “adventure” I have been playing the trapped in a bathroom alone game, “If you could have dinner of your choice with 3 people of your choice of food, what would it be?

Answer: pasta, obviously. With loads of buttered bread, wine fried calamari & tiramisu for dessert.  Hell, I’d even give up the tiramisu just to make room for these 3 ladies at the same table!!

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9 Comments

Filed under Heavy Weight Wednesdays, Monday's Misssion, Scaling Back

9 responses to “So a satirist, a philosopher and an author walk into a bathroom…

  1. My kitchen is a 24/7 operation as well. My folks have differing tastes as well, and rarely all want to eat the same thing either. I too wouldn’t mind living in a Paris bathroom for 20 days as long as the vigil included coffee, croissants and french bath salts.

  2. i read this immediately. and giggled.

    but did not comment…i went to retweet but saw your obsessiveness coming out so ran back to say, in words, that you make me giggle:)

    and i even like the stuff you write that you do hate, so there.

    and no i am hungry for peanut butter and pasta. thanks. my assthanks you:)

    • suzieswapper

      You truly are the best never met friend a girl can have!! Yes, and please eat the pasta. Perhaps if enough people do, there simply won’t be any left for me to pig out on! I can’t wait to hear you giggle IRL

  3. Bon

    i would LOVE to have those three at the same table. though they might intimidate me into silence, actually, which would be a rare occurrence.

    and now i’m hungry. 🙂

  4. Oh Suzie, I know my previous attempts at humor have not seemed to feel your pain, or seem supportive, but you hit me right at home with this post! Many of us find ourselves adjusting to the eating habits of our families. Choosing to eat differently than a growing child/hungry man needs is damn hard, to say the least. I admire your commitment to both yourself and your family and can only offer the advice to hang in there and love yourself as much as you do them. Unfortunately that takes work. I do not suggest you must accomplish his alone though. Can others in the house assume responsibility for even one meal that meets all needs every couple of days? I found a break was a real recharge for my commitment.
    Best of luck!
    Suzie too!

    • suzieswapper

      Dear suzie too: I love your humour, and your encouragement & support!! My 8yr old has offered to help with meal preparation and I have HAPPILY accepted. Of course, I have to pay him$1/week for this service,LOL!!

  5. Great quotes and I love the discussion!

    I’m now thoroughly grateful that I’m not the cook in my house. 😉

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