How Dense Am I?

Your breast are very dense”

Seriously – did my doctor just make fun of my boobs? 

Because it’s not bad enough that I get to lie here, totally exposed from the waist up, with my muffin top rolling over the side of my too-tight skinny jeans and flourescent lighting above designed specifically to highlight every stretchmark and dimple and pucker – but now apparently, my breasts are dim-witted too??

And the thing is – in the seconds before I realized what she was actually referring to  – I whole-heartedly agreed with her – these boobs of mine suck royally.   In fact last year, I briefly considered chopping them off. True story.

My boobs have never got me a date, a job, or a drink. Don’t get me wrong, I have received many a date, job, drink in my day but not ever as a result of anything peeking out from behind a fitted sweater or low cut tee. A revealing shirt and flat chest do not a date make, apparently. #BoobFail

My boobs could not even feed a starving child.  I know this because when my oldest was born, my boobs simply refused to give him all that he needed.   I brought my baby and my boobs to a lactation clinic every single day for the first three weeks of his life.  They were manipulated, squeezed, pulled, yanked, bitten, supplemented, pleaded with and threatened.  Nothing.  Tubes were given to help supplement with formula.  I remained a human soother for 18 months anyhow but it was merely for comfort (to me, it seemed an unhappy facade).  #BoobFail

Also, my boobs are more likely than not to fill with cancer one day. #DoubleBoobFail

I do not say this lightly.  Statistics dictate that this will be true.  Don’t worry mom, I blame the boobs, not you!  My grandmother had breast cancer – among other types – and lived until 94, when she dies tragically from old age.  My  mom, going strong in her 70’s has also faced multiple cancers.  In fact, at one point they were both in the hospital, attacking stupid cancer at the same time, just different floors.  So,  I  do no think I am being dramatic or neurotic.  I don’t want to have cancer – obviously – I just suspect that my family history, coupled with the fact that I am over-weight (another possible contributor) and my congested breast tissue may eventually lead me this way one day…

One technician, trying to be helpful (??!!), suggested that I would probably detect lump abnormalities much sooner than most   because my boobs were so so small.  Thanks Doc. Last year I even wondered (to myself, this is the first time I’ve discussed, ever) just chopping them off. But alas, this only exists in TV land ( I got the idea from an episode of Greys Anatomy anyway).  I made a few calls, explained my situation but this chopping off of the breast is not an option.  Not unless I am willing to do it myself.  I am not, in case you are wondering. I am not even sure that I would seriously consider this type of preventative healthcare but I was certainly surprised to discover that there are not even any conversations about this within the healthcare arena.

I will play it safe and get my mammograms yearly and hope that you do the same.  In the meantime, I need my faith in boobs restored.  Any suggestions??  What have your boobs done for you lately??

p.s. Googling breasts for some images should only ever be done once your children are in bed.  I had no idea….



Filed under Heavy Weight Wednesdays, Saucy

19 responses to “How Dense Am I?

  1. Thanks for sharing this important info! Wanted your readers to know that IF they hear the word “dense” in relationship to their breasts – – an ultrasound should accompany EVERY mammogram they have. One without the other is ineffective for us dense gals, as I sadly discovered the hard way. 🙂

    • really? They would give me an ultrasound every year along with my mammogram?

      • suzieswapper

        Elaine, I get both the mammogram and ultrasound because of the *denseness*. I started when I was 38 and go yearly.

      • Yes! I had the mammogram 9 months before my stage 3 invasive breast cancer was diagnosed… thats when I learned of the ultrasound protocol for dense breasts. It is NOT a practice yet adapted by all labs/screening clinics so we have to spread the word. All dense breasts, irrespective of size should have a combo mammo and ultrasound. (neither one without the other) in order to optimize the potential to detect even the smallest of tumours.

    • suzieswapper

      Thanks fro the reminder Colleen. I wish I had known what to expect the first time because when they asked just me to stick around for the ultrasound, I was convinced it because something was terribly wrong. I didn’t realize it was just procedure.

  2. Bah hahaha! Best post script EVER! Other then feeding twins, followed by a singleton…my boobs did me a huge favor recently. We have a weight loss “thing” in my family. Put in a buck, weigh in, if the next time we are together you’ve lost the most then you win the money. When my son weaned this summer my fabulous, looks great in all shirts and swim wear, boobs went back to their usual almost-A size. Next weigh in I had lost FIVE pounds of boobs. They made me $6. I was so proud.

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  4. thanks for sharing your story. it’s a funny relationship that i also have with my breasts: love, then love, then like, then not-so-fond-of. they are small and don’t seem well proportioned with the rest of me. but still i must accept them, and try not to giggle during my breast exams (WHY do I STILL do that?!? I’m SO not a teenager any more!!). to your boobs and mine: “long live and prosper”!!!

    • suzieswapper

      OK – glad to know I am not the only one giggling (um, rather nervously). These techs must be used to all kinds of reactions. I am tempted to stick on some stickers of other bodyparts for next appointment-it must get boring JUST to be seeing boobs, day in day out all day….hehehe

  5. Danielle

    my boobs have never done much for me either, if it helps! but I was surprised to read that they wouldn’t do a preventative surgery – a friend of mine in Toronto did it a few years ago because of a strong family history. she got a new pair that will look great a lot longer than mine will!

    • suzieswapper

      In our case they call it familial, not genetic. We were all tested for the BRCA genes (1&2) and thankfully we don’t have it. That said, it’s a double-edged sword because of it is NOT genetic apparently we don’t even qualify for those conversations. Kudos to your friend- either way, that is one helluva decision to be making!! And yes, secretly I had already planned for some C-cup action myself!!

  6. Wow, great message. I too have been through the “you need an ultrasound” scary wait while no one explains to you what is going on. Then the technician stopped talking to me right in the middle of it and said “I need to get the doctor” who came in and looked at the ultrasound then said he would send the report to my doctor. My doctor (a few days later) told me it was “most likely” a fibroid cyst and I “should” be fine. I told him I wanted a specialist’s opinion on that. I went to a leading surgeon in town and when I told her what the docs had told me, how they had been so nonchalant, she said “I wonder if they would have said that if this lump was in their left testicle?”! She recommended surgery, and low and behold a second lump was behind the originally detected one, something the ultrasound and mamogram cannot pick up! Luckily, both were fibroid cysts. Now, I pay to go to a private breast clinic (its about $2oo) where I receive the mamogram then immediately sit with a radiologist who goes over the results with me. Sounds extravagant, but the peace of mind it give me is worth giving up a Starbucks a week for life to pay for it!

  7. My itty bitties were good to my babies, so I’ll expect them to be good to me with no cancer. FINGERS CROSSED.

    • suzieswapper

      Fingers AND toes crossed!! Sidenote; My sis had a tee she wore to school in grade 7 that read, “Itty-Bitty Titty Committee” . She was instructed to leave school immediately and change. My mom*instructed* the school that we would be switching schools immediately.

  8. Pam @writewrds

    Great reminder to go get a mammogram (and an ultrasound)!
    I keep putting it off. Not good.

  9. Fabulous and funny!!! Great reminder that no matter how “we” feel them or about them Mammograms are important. I had a double mastectomy just after my 31st b-day due to Breast Cancer and the pic of the “Yes their fake my real ones tried to kill me” had me lauging so hard coffee came out my nose. 🙂 Be kind to yourself and stand up for what you feel you need. I’d rather hear my friends had 20 “unnessesary mammograms” than “if only they’d had one done”. Thanx for passing on the message and the laugh.

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