help wanted

Help Wanted.

So I used to have this one friend and now I don’t ( wouldn’t you love to know)… And the one thing we were really good at was losing weight together.  It was half  competition (that was my half) and half support system (um, yep, she was the good guy in all this).  And it worked.  Between us, I think we lost the equivalent of a husky third-grade boy scout and it was awesome.

And then she broke up with me.

And  I rebound.  A lot. With pizza.  And chips. (Knowing all this would  make her piss herself with pleasure, I bet.  So I guess she wasn’t *all* good (There. Gratuitous insult complete) .  But I digress…

And ever since I have been moaning, whining, plotting, planning, contemplating, pontificating, reading – and now, finally – writing about my attempts to lose weight.  I have turned something simple into an algorithm best left for  the nerdy dude Matt Damon played in Good Will Hunting.

All I really need is some help, gentle reader.

Basically, I am looking for a weight loss buddy.  Someone to team up with.  I have built this job posting to help: (Please note: single-digit sized people need not apply):

Must be committed but not quite as committed as me.

-Must enjoy frantic phone calls, emails, and text messages where you talk me out of the bakery.

-Must enjoy chips, chocolate, cheese, pizza and cookies. I do not want to be the only one being deprived.

Preferably, I am looking for someone one size down from me – you will generously donate to me all your too-large clothing.  However, willing to accept someone one size up, purely for the smugness factor.

-Must  welcome verbal abuse.

-Must never lose more than me in any given week.

-Ability to see through all my bullshit and still want to motivate one another will be highly regarded.

The funny thing is – I am not really being funny!  So, if  you’re in a similar situation and looking to pair up, let me know!  Having this blog is amazing – the feedback truly encouraging, but I would like to go one on one with someone so let me know if you’d be interested.  (Must have email, facebook or twitter). Alternatively, here are some other openings:



Filed under Heavy Weight Wednesdays, Saucy

12 responses to “help wanted

  1. heatherlochner

    Ack! So awesome a post. I need help too. 20 pounds to lose.

    • suzieswapper

      But sounds like you are on the right track!! I think Ace Your Health will get us there too, I just need a daily push-partner too!

  2. Tara MW

    hehehe, I totally need a double digit friend (one who isn’t double digit because she is also amazonian). I lost 10 pounds just last month, but it doesn’t count because we were out of the country and the only meal I ate was dinner, but with the reality of being home again, and all the knowledge of local stores, cooking for the 3Princes and then there is my husband… I need someone to remind me to get on the bike in the basement, to help me through a detox that I am crazily thinking or going through (green semi solid drinks, I need someone to hold my hand through the time.) I was a teeny tiny little thing BK (before kids), but that was 13 years ago, 12 years ago and 7 years ago so hardly post-baby weight and now I am looking at 13 years of PB&J and Kraft Dinner with hotdogs. So please pick me, I couldn’t possibly out stage you!

    • suzieswapper

      I think we’ve been enjoying the same *diet*..and my guys are 8 and 10 so I can’t blame it on baby weight either! Um,what city were you in where you only ate once a day-I wanna go!!

  3. Join in with Jen and I on twitter Hashtag is #byebyebuldge We’d love to have you join in. 🙂

  4. I need to lose 20lbs but have a serious lack of will power and a huge hard on for all things heavy carb, oh and did I mention I also like beer…and wine…hmmmmm that could be my problem 🙂 I’m in.

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  6. Oh this is a brilliant post! If only I had enough will power to be a good buddy. As you know I have a bit of a problem with both chips and ice cream:)

  7. dorisdays

    I’m sorry to hear that your friend quit on you. I’m here to be your weightloss buddy. I still have 40lbs to go.

    I have a feeling I might be hitting a plateau soon, so I need the encouragement too.

  8. Spacebase

    Re: Help Wanted

    I am a 6 foot Amazonian double digit (18, x1) who not in a too distant past (6 years ago) was a miraculous size 8. I had never been smaller or felt better. I was seriously on top of the world… though I think I was occasionally chasing the dragon so I am not sure if it *really* counts. I have a 10 year old son and have been shacked up with a man for 6 years, who -to my detriment- has a strict salty then sweet snack regime every night on the sofa. Secretly, I think it is a plot to keep me in the xxl’s… more of me to love he says. I am now weighing in at 230 pounds, which is 5 pounds more then after I birthed the placenta. I am truly disappointed with myself. I have bouts where I go to the gym (say 4-6 days a week for a month) and then work catches up to me, or I am travelling, and I stop going. The minuet I stop going, I really, really, really stop going. I think I need you too. I still have the small clothes buried somewhere in my closet, though I’ve kept only my favourite pieces. And now, as of yesterday, I am the (adjective) owner of spandex fat pants and skirts. You know… the ones with no belts, buckles, zippers, or buttons?

    I am yours if you need me. I would love to do this with someone.

  9. Chris Bergeron

    Well, I’m a giant size 12 glamazon but want to go down an maintain myself to a 10, so I can certainly be your weightloss buddy! You know where to reach me.


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